When do things start making sense?

I think maybe it’s twenty-six.

Over the weekend, it was my birthday. I turned twenty-six. Like every year, growing older doesn’t feel drastically different. I think it’s only when you take a moment to reflect on all the previous birthdays and the quiet, significant things you’ve done that you start to notice the growing.

After sharing wine and birthday cake over Mother’s Day lunch, I expressed this new sense of confidence to one of my aunts, to which she replied reassuringly — that yes, it all does begin to make sense as you age. That made me feel excited. I look forward to things making sense because I realise that for much of the last decade, that’s what this stage of my life has been about — figuring things out, untangling, and trying to understand everything.

When I look back on my early twenties, I realise all the pivotal decisions that led me to this birthday.

At nineteen, I started a Science and Arts degree at university.
At twenty, I dropped Science for Visual Communication and started freelancing.
At twenty-one, I ended a five-year relationship.
At twenty-two, I entered the corporate world as an in-house designer.
At twenty-three, I sat in my first therapy session.
At twenty-four, I solo travelled for the first time.
And at twenty-five, I moved out and made a new home in North Queensland.

In between all of this, I graduated from university, juggled retail and hospitality jobs, navigated dating and situationships, spent countless hours reflecting, doubting, romanticising, questioning, and probably overthinking my life. Drank many peppermint teas, avoided sleep by reading, writing, or brain-rotting on my phone. I had mornings where I struggled to get out of bed. Days where I felt pretty low about my life. Tough conversations with people I love. I’ve felt panic, joy, tears, love, stress, and a lot of anxiety. But for most of my young adult life so far, I have felt unsure. Unsure of who I am and what I am doing.

This uncertainty in life reminds me of the book Any Ordinary Day by Leigh Sales. She’s a journalist who recounts her interviews with people who have experienced sudden, life-altering tragedies — or as she calls them, blindsides. She says something that stuck with me, “The question of life being fair or unfair is one of the first things to drop away once you truly understand that you're as vulnerable as the next person to life's vagaries.” Much like Leigh, I have come to realise that life is fragile and unpredictable.

But now, I realise the glory in all of this confusion. I can see — physically and emotionally — all the places this mess has pushed me to go. From the depths of my thoughts with a psychologist to the top of the Empire State Building. Life is pretty wild and wonderful like that. And since turning twenty-six, it feels like finally, I can be sure — of what I want, where I am going, and importantly, who I am.

And that makes me feel lucky — because this will not be the case for everyone on their twenty-sixth birthday. I feel like now I can see how lucky I am really am. It’s just luck that I was born into a life with nice parents, it’s just luck that I have found thoughtful, genuine friends, and it’s even more lucky that I had access to the resources for education, creativity and choice.

So I guess, for me, maturing feels pretty rich. I can see how fortunate I am — to have the resources to unravel life, experiment, learn, play and be free. Being aware of my fortune and place in the world makes me grateful and determined to do the things I feel called to without regret — and honestly, I think that is what has brought me so much of the satisfaction I feel today.

Today is one of those moments when I look back on memories — like the time I got my first professional office job, the moment I strolled down the streets of Manhattan alone, or when I shared Christmas in a hostel with a group of backpackers — that I think to myself: I still cannot quite believe that I did all that. These moments feel like a deep proudness that warms me from the inside out.

Twenty-six feels grounding, rich and marvellous. It feels like the clouds are finally parting a little, and the sun is shining through. Little by little, I can feel the warmth across my skin. It’s knowing that all the answers are within me and that I am on the right track. This birthday feels sweet and exciting, and maybe that’s because things are finally making sense, or perhaps it’s because I can finally make sense of things. It’s as if I have finally looked up, noticed the path I was walking, and realised I am not lost at all — in fact, I am right where I need to be, and I always have been.

 -Mel